Two Lessons I Learned From A Traumatic Childhood

When I think about my childhood I’m finally able to smile I’m finally able to let go of the anger and the resentment but if you would’ve told me years ago that I’d be here you could’ve paid me to believe you. When I was born my parents are both teenagers. A year later they went on to have a second child my younger brother. And because of the high level of responsibility of having two kids and teenagers my father flood. So I was left to be raised by my mom. My mom went on to go to college and take care of my brother and me the best that she could when I was around five years old she met who would become her future husband. Now to be honest when they first met he didn’t pay me too much attention. He wasn’t mean he wasn’t nice I was irrelevant to him. It wasn’t until years later they decided that they were going to make it a committed relationship and get married that things began to shift. Once they got married that’s when everything turned around. It was almost like he shifted his personality he went from totally ignoring me to attacking me verbally. He would tell me all the time how nobody wanted me I wasn’t a part of the team I shouldn’t even be there and that I would grow older and amount to nothing. While he was mostly verbally abusive there were a few occasions where he became physically abusive. If I could be honest all the verbal abuse heart far worse than any of the things he tried to do physically. My entire life I carried all of the belief that he had about me feeling like I wouldn’t be good enough not feeling like I was ever loved it was awful. It wasn’t until I begin the healing journey that I recognized how deep-rooted that pain truly was. Do you know when you try to move past something or try to move on beyond something and you realize it’s like you’re trapped holding on to all of the hurt? I’m grateful to be in the place that I am now to be able to share my story to bless other people who are still trying to recover from childhood trauma. And truthfully had I not made this a priority to heal I wouldn’t be able to share my story. today I want to talk about the top lessons that I learned from childhood trauma.

1. What other people think about you is none of your business. I know we all hear that saying from time to time and it sounds good but we do wanna know what other people think about us it does hurt us and affect us what other people think about us but if I can speak from experience I have truly learned that what other people think about us is none of our business and here’s why. When we are consumed with what other people think and believe about us we get overwhelmed with this idea that that Has to be true. And we either spend our time proving it not to be true or fallen victim to their thoughts and beliefs about us. For years I became consumed with achievement addiction. I jumped from achievement to achievement because I needed him to see that I was valuable I needed him to know that I would amount to something. I needed him to know that I did matter in my achievements made me feel like I did. The reality is though it only hurt me in the end because no achievement felt worth it and no achievement took away the pain. All in all, I wish that I didn’t know what he believed about me I wish that I hadn’t internalized that and I wish that I had gotten to a place where I could create my thoughts and beliefs about myself in my life I think that would’ve made all the difference.
2. Forgiveness is mandatory. We’re here all the time that forgiveness is not for the other person it’s for you and speaking from experience this couldn’t be closer to the truth. There’s an old saying when you hold onto unforgiveness it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. After my mom finally got divorced from her ex-husband I was so consumed and unforgiveness. I was unforgiving towards my mom and feeling like she didn’t protect me I was unforgiving at him and I would have nightmares about having to run into him I have negative and nasty thoughts and truthfully it consumed me. Sadly I thought that saying I forgave him would make it happen but what I learned is forgiveness is something that must be renewed every single day. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness forgiveness is not excusing the behavior forgiveness is a sign that you prioritize your peace. When I excepted this as a reality I was able to truly forgive and find the piece that I honestly deserved and desired. Now when I’m offended now when I’m hurt it does still take work to forgive but I recognize that long-term benefit is far greater than holding onto bitterness anger and resentment.

 All in all, I think a lot of times we try to run for my childhood. Sadly there are so many adults with questions or deep-rooted pain from their childhood and they’re walking around wounded and unfortunately likely wounding other people. This is why it’s so important to reflect on your childhood but more importantly to grow from your childhood. I can’t think of one person that I know that had the perfect or ideal childhood and so, all in all, there’s something to be learned from each of our experiences weather is there a financial problem whether there was physical sexual or emotional abuse whether there was divorce we all have something that we can learn and grow from. And honestly, the things that break us are often the very things that we can build from. Now as a coach I can share my story unapologetically. I can talk to people about how I was able to thrive after trauma and I always explain there’s nothing special about me it’s something that everyone can achieve as well. I love being able to share my story because it encourages and inspires other people to know that it can happen for them as well.If you're looking for more support on your healing journey sign up for my FREE choose healing course here: https://nicolyawilliams.com/choosehealingchallenge/